That’s Life 2016/2017: Josh Edition

So everyone knows that Josh says some funny things sometimes, so this year Sightline decided Josh deserves a That’s Life all to himself. This list is compiled of both new and old Josh quotes.

~Senior Editors: Carissa Woolace and CJ Zmudzinski

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During one of the last periods of Econ, Josh Weaver gave the seniors the option of either Studying or, figuring out how many throws it would take to completely erase a whiteboard with a tennis ball. Can you guess what the seniors chose to do? Josh regretted his decision.

 

Josh Weaver told Jake Bedwell (‘17), “If you teach me how to dougie, I will teach you how to exam.”

 

“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a metaphor for the criminal justice system.” -Josh

 

“Hey, I don’t want my audio on Snapchat!” -Josh

 

“When the US economy collapses, our new currency will be spam, twinkies, and peanut butter.” -Josh

 

“If I were president I would build a moat around Cuba. Spoiler alert: It’s already there.” -Josh

 

“I don’t want interrupt Simon’s canoodling time.” – Josh

 

“If I have one sheep, do I have two shoop? – Josh

 

“We should have a small time epipen hustle.” – Josh

 

“Man, I can’t spell worth a hoot!” – Josh

 

“You’re still a sheep but you’re a retro sheep. That’s cool.” – Josh to Sofia Thomas (‘17)

 

After briefly lecturing Jake Bedwell on a feminist’s view of a woman’s role in a relationship, Josh proudly exclaimed, “Boom, I just Yeakey-ed you!”

 

“If anyone wants to be proud of me, I only drank one cup of coffee today.” Josh told his class. The seniors clapped enthusiastically.

 

“Cake pops are the corndog-ization of America.” -Josh

 

“If it was going to be a geometrical meme, you would have to stand like a triangle… I don’t understand memes.” -Josh Weaver, period 1 Geometry.

 

“God would shop at hobby lobby” -Josh Weaver

 

“Jake, dude, that’s dope! You’re such a moron!” -Josh Weaver when wondering about whether moron will ever become a slang compliment

“Pence and Mrs. Obama teamed up to take away your dessert and salt.” -Josh Weaver

 

In Econ, Jake Bedwell’s shirt pulled up when he was removing his sweatshirt. Josh Weaver commented, “Thanks for that ab flash, Jake.” “Oh sorry,” Jake apologized before adding, “Well, it is your birthday.”

 

After listening to the definitions from the Econ class on deficits and debts, Josh asked his class for clarification. “If I heard correctly, a deficit is a 2007 Mexican feature film while a debt is owing someone money. Are we comfortable with these definitions?” The seniors nodded in agreement.

 

When talking about the seniors proposed businesses in Econ, Josh Weaver commented on Zane Zmudzinski’s (‘17) fishing lure business. “Zane’s Lures sounds vaguely sketchy. It’s at the bottom of the yellow pages next to Zane’s Unmarked Vans.”  

 

“Artists cause deaths. In fact, Jackson [King (‘17)] probably kills hundreds of people because he draws every day!” -Josh Weaver

 

“We should all just wear carbon masks. That’s what Bane did, right? Bane was secretly an environmentalist.” -Josh Weaver

 

“McGovern. It’s when McDonald’s leads the country.” -Josh Weaver

 

“Wyoming: Where everyone is a white, straight, male rancher.” -Josh Weaver in AP Government

 

“There are no women in Wyoming.” -Josh Weaver in AP Government

 

“There’s one African American family and one Hispanic person in Wyoming.” -Josh Weaver in AP Government

 

“The Senate is essentially Wyoming.” -Josh Weaver in AP Government

 

In 9th period Business Math, Sofia Thomas (‘17) told Josh Weaver to grab Simon Hurst’s (‘17) man bun. Josh responded, “Men don’t touch other men’s buns! You can quote me on that!”

 

“Just go yoogle it!” – Josh Weaver

 

“I will go on record and say I’ve never eaten an oompa loompa and I never will.” – Josh Weaver

 

 

Josh Weaver told his Econ class what will happen to his daughter, Caroline, if he doesn’t find a new babysitter: “My child will be out on the streets begging for nickels and raisins!”

 

During Business Math Josh Weaver says, “Jim is like old man money bags. I’m like young man empty pockets.”

 

“[Social Media] is mostly just me harassing senators.” – Josh Weaver

 

“If you’re going to eat bosco sticks, practice bosco safety, cut them into bites.” – Josh Weaver

 

Drug dealers are like lawnmowers. – Josh Weaver

 

It was in quarters from my laundromat, not crack quarters. -Josh Weaver

 

A finance problem composed by Josh Weaver and Zane Zmudzinski (‘17) in 9th Period Business Math attributed Bod’s yearly income to earnings from Driver’s Ed Instruction, Amish Chauffeuring, Candy Crush Counseling (CCC), and Gambling.

 

Josh Weaver held up his LG Cosmos and stated, “This and the financial recession have shaped my life.”

 

In Econ, Josh Weaver asked his class, “Are you allowed to make out in public restrooms? I’ve never tried.”

 

After Josh Weaver “Rick Rolled” his students during an inclass assignment, Leah Beachey (‘17) commented, “I have never felt so betrayed in my life!”

 

“It’s not sexim, it’s science!” -Josh Weaver Period 3 Algebra II

 

“Just go out and blast a fish right in it’s wet, fishy face!” – Josh Weaver

 

“I’m afraid you’re trying to force boot culture on me.” – Josh Weaver

 

“I have high standards on whose hair I’ll call fabulous.” -Josh Weaver