Many of us have heard the rumour that our beloved 9th-10th grade english teacher secretly lives at school. The main reason why so many people believe this is that Elizabeth can usually be found at the school both late at night and early in the morning. But just how true is this rumour? In order to allow the pure, unedited truth to prevail, I decided to interview Elizabeth. This is her story.
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Olivia: Have you heard the rumours about you secretly living at school?
Elizabeth: Yes, I have.
O: And what do you think about it?
E: What do I think about the idea of me camping out in my school? I think it’s hilarious! How would I even do it?
O: So there’s no truth to it?
E: Absolutely not.
O: Mhm… What time do you normally go home each night?
E: Umm… Probably around 7 or so.
O: 7? Is this like a minimum or maximum time?
E: Minimum.
O: What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed at school?
E: 11 pm.
O: 11? Wow. What on earth were you doing until 11 pm? If I’m not mistaken, that’s an extra, at least, 7 hours. Right?
E: Yeah. So, um… I-I think I was grading papers and getting things ready for the classes the next day.
O: Oh, I see. Okay. How early would you say you normally arrive at school?
E: About 5 am.
O: Okay. So you stay, most of the time, 3 extra hours after school, and almost 3 extra hours before school. That’s 6 extra hours. Minimum. I know there’s a lot of time that teachers spend at work while they’re “off the clock,” but wow. Just out of curiosity, what do you normally do when you get home from school?
E: I change into my pajamas and go straight to bed.
O: You don’t eat?
E: Uh- no I usually eat dinner at school.
O: Oh, okay. Where do you normally eat breakfast?
E: School.
O: So, let me see if I have this right. You eat breakfast at school, you’re there all day, you eat dinner at school, you’re there until 7… What do you do at home?
E: I- I mean I do stuff at home, too. Like, um… I eat there on weekends.
O: Wow! You eat at home on the weekends. Are you sure you don’t live at school?
E: Um… Well, off the record, I do sleep at school sometimes.
O: Off the record? Okay… How often do you sleep at school?
E: About 5 days a week.
O: 5 days!? Can I take a random guess and assume that those 5 days are Monday-Friday?
E: Yes. The custodians and I have a shushed understanding.
O: So walk me through a normal school day, then.
E: Okay… This is all off the record, right?
O: …Yeah, of course!
E: Okay… So, uh, I wake up around 4 am, and-
O: Where do you wake up?
E: I have a rotation of sleeping spots. Sometimes I sleep on the couch in Josh’s room, sometimes I sleep in my room, a lot of times I use the cot in the training room.
O: Oh, okay.
E: So, anyway, I wake up at about 4 am and make sure everything is where it should be. Then I go workout in the faculty fitness area, and head on over to the FACS room- that’s where I have a secret stash of clothes- and I pick out my outfit when I’m done.
O: So you get ready in the FACS room!?
E: No, I was getting to it. I lock up the FACS room again, and then I grab my makeup bag from my desk in my classroom, and I get ready in the faculty dressing room. I lock the door and put something against it so no one can come in, blast some music, and get ready in there. I’m usually done getting ready by 5, and that’s when I go to the FACS room and make a really nice breakfast for myself. Once I’m done with that, I go back into my classroom and start my work for the day. The day goes pretty smoothly, just like a normal day. For dinner, I usually make it in the staff lounge- to switch it up. Then, when I know nobody else is at school, except possibly the custodians, I do whatever I want. Sometimes I watch movies in the chapel, go for jogs through the halls, cathartically scream as loud as I can into the intercom I have access to… You know- the normal stuff. Ooh, sometimes, I prank text Hank to convince him there’s a ghost in the school. I’m not sure he buys it, but it’s still fun. I also really like trying to conduct science experiments in Amy and Calvin’s rooms, but sometimes I miss certain things to clean up, and they complain that one of the students did a bad job at cleaning up their lab. I also do yoga in my classroom, and get ready for bed at about 11:30, and I’m in bed by 12. So there you have it. The rumours are true. I love my job so much that I refuse to leave.
O: Wow… I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t that. So, let’s get back on the record- Where did we leave off? Oh, right! So you’re sure you don’t live at school?
E: Of course I’m sure! I don’t know how one would even go about living at school. I love my job, but not enough to sleep here.
O: Okay! Well, you heard it here folks. Elizabeth does not live at school! Okay, thank you for answering all of my questions honestly!
E: Of course! I’ll be here all week- except for at night and on the weekends of course!
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I’ll be honest. I was expecting the late nights and early mornings. Maybe even if she had said that the entire time she’s worked here, she’s slept at the school once or twice, I wouldn’t have been surprised. But to hear that the wild rumour of a secret semi-permanent resident at school is actually true? Not at all what I had expected. And yet, somehow, it’s not surprising at all.
This article is approved by the Elizabeth-Sleeps-At-School-Conspirasists.