As we are all aware, those behind the monopolistic college application testing are taking advantage of students across the nation! They have many unknown, yet severe terms and conditions that are often overlooked. For the benefit of society, I will highlight some of the hidden terms in the fine print of the AP Terms & Conditions.
- In order to qualify for the AP exam, you must sign away your firstborn child to the College Board for “scientific experimentation.”
- No contact lenses, anti-chip fingernail polish, or dri-fit shirts are allowed during the testing period as they are considered “technology.”
- Each student must understand and accept all biased grades that depend on how messy or neat your handwriting is.
- By taking AP tests, students hereby acknowledge that the College Board will place a microchip in the lymph nodes to monitor all conversations, ensuring that no AP material is discussed after test time.
- If any sort of cheating occurs whatsoever, your AP exam will be shredded, cremated and the ashes will be spread at the lowest point on earth. (Closest point to HELL)
- You must partake in the strict Paelo-Neo diet that requires a swig of fresh goat’s blood the morning of each exam. This will be a small act of sacrifice to the AP Gods as recognition that all students are mere underlings whose scores will be decided by a merciless judge.
- There will be an unspecified number of students taking the test that are being paid to report any (yes, ANY) conversations about the AP exam to the College Board. Your friends are colluding against you!
- All students, by participating in AP classes, express consent to *possible* brainwashing as a result of strict course material. However, this is already a standard practice in schools, so don’t worry too much about it.
- Any kitten within a 300-foot radius will “coincidentally” break a bone for each answer that is incorrect.
- Costs of AP Exams will continue to be more expensive than what it costs to rent your local apartment.
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